This morning I jumped on Facebook and this memory popped up on my screen. It is a picture my cousin shared with me two years ago that she had run across. The first thought I had was what would I tell myself back then, knowing what I know now, if that were possible.
I’ve had some time to contemplate this thought today as it has been a rather rough few days for me – actually a rough couple of weeks. Many don’t even know. My own children don’t know how bad its been these past couple of days, but you always try to protect the ones you love most right.
I’ll admit, and most of you already know this but, I have struggled with anxiety and stress most of my life. For the longest time I was able to be strong for so many and I was able to handle pretty much anything. Then as I got older, it began to take its toll on me and eventually my heart couldn’t take it any longer. That’s when the heart attack happened where I actually experienced cardiac arrest and it took me six long months to recover. I’m still recovering and now I don’t think I will ever be fully recovered. The threat is always going to be there and like this week, it gets the better of me from time to time.
So what I would like to share with everyone, and would share with my younger self, would be to to understand just how important it is to listen to your body. Take time to breathe, talk to God, and do what is right for you and your health no matter what the cost. Don’t worry what other people think because your health and happiness is what is important. If you don’t have your health, you can’t help anyone let alone yourself!
For those of you who may be dealing with some of these same issues and concerns and are given the advice to take an anti-depressant, I want you to know that it is not anything to be ashamed of. Everyone needs support from time to time, and some people need support all of the time. I know I felt like I needed to get off of mine because I didn’t want to get addicted or feel like I needed anything to live a normal life. I didn’t want nasty side effects, etc. I know alot of people feel the same way and that in itself can stress you out. I learned today though that anti-depressants have come a long way over the years and they are no longer addicting, atleast not all are, so do your research so you can feel good about the medicines you are taking and don’t be ashamed. Put your head up high and be proud that are doing what you need to do to be the best version of you!
Luckily, my cardiologist is such a caring man that I have his personal phone number and have been able to text and talk with him directly to get me in a better place of understanding what I needed to do to get my blood pressure and heart rate under control. Your life is precious and your body reacts to life’s struggles in many different ways. Ways that can land you in the hospital, or worse, just from stress. It can be a whirlwind effect as each symptom can impact another to create the perfect storm.
Today though after experiencing such an emotional morning and anxiety to the point I was ready to drive myself to the hospital, I finally went to the doctors instead and together we made the decision that I needed to go back on my anti-depressant because my body no longer handles stress well at all. The smallest amount impacts symptoms of that led to my heart attack, and then that creates symptoms of anxiety knowing I do not want to go through another heart attack and the cycle continues.
For someone who thought she had it all under control and was finally in a place of happiness and didn’t need her meds any longer, God knew better and He always has a way of grabbing you and throwing you down to make sure you listen to him. We need to take the time to be still, listen to our body, listen to God, and do what’s right. Don’t worry about what other people think. This is your life! Do what you need to do to live it and be the happiest you can be! This does not mean you are selfish! It’s ok to take care of you! God has a plan for all of us and He wants us to be happy and live out the plans He has for us!
“Things that are visible are brief and fleeting, while things that are invisible are everlasting.” ~ Sarah Young